My Story - The Dance Teacher
I call this chapter "The Dance Teacher" because I met one that changed my life for good. I like this part of my life because it triggered a chain of life changes in all aspects: love, professional, friendships, and myself.
It was the beginning of 2014, I was 20 years old, and I was going to my fourth year of electrical engineering degree. At that time, I had taken a lot of extracurricular activities, such as Kung Fu classes, as a member of Warthog Robotics, and dance classes. Also, my grades were good. Academically, I did a good job, and my social life was also good. I had a lot of friends and went to some parties as a typical young adult.
But one part of my life wasn't good. It wasn't very nice - my love life. I was timid. I wasn't brave enough to talk to girls expressing myself sexually, even when I was drunk. If I spoke to them as friends, it was ok, but I couldn't if I felt a pinch of sexual interest for them. I got paralyzed. Back then, during my whole four years in college, I had only one fling.
So, let us see how my dance teacher enters the story. As I said, I was determined to sign myself in many extracurricular activities, so I decided to start Forró classes in 2014's May. The first reason was that I enjoy dancing, and the second one was to become more comfortable with women. And there is when the teacher dance appears. Let us call her Miss A.
Forró classes happened on Wednesdays, at 9:30 pm (I had a nostalgic feeling now), it works well in my schedule for that semester. Miss A. was unbelievably beautiful (she still is), her smile was one of the most beautiful I had ever seen. She was very friendly. I was delighted. As time passed by, we became good friends. We've talked to each other daily, we've gone to some dancing events, theater, only two of us. She loves Temaki, and so do I. When we were closer, we went to restaurants of Japanese food, we enjoyed Temaki, the company of each other, talking and having fun. We had good times.
As you can imagine, I fell in love with her. But there was a problem, and guess what? I was too scared to tell her the truth. And worse! I've expected her to realize that I was in love with her and make a move. I lived with these expectations for one or two months. I remember that I share these feelings with a shared friend, and she encouraged them. Then, with no apparent reason for me, she started to walk away at the end of October or the beginning of November. She didn't text me anymore, didn't talk to me in the classes as she used to. We didn't hang out anymore.
That was terrible for me. I was genuinely enjoying being with her, and I thought that was mutual. And more, I believe she liked me as I liked her. I don't know if she got tired of my "inertia" or if she met someone else... I don't know because I never ask. I. Never. Ask! I just let it go. Without find a reason for it or fight for my feelings.
I've suffered for some time because I was in love. My heart was broken. But after considering what happened to me, the worse wasn't my broken heart. It was that I had no courage or initiative to tell her my feelings, neither a simple "Miss A., I like you". The worse was expecting that she realizes and took some action for me. The worse was that I was not the owner of my life, and it was being ruled by others, not by me. So, I asked myself, "How long won't I live my life and I'll let others live it for me?" Trust me, that question turns my life upside down, in the best of sight.
From the moment I realized that I need to be in charge of my own life, I start to live my life intensely and with joy. Not only my sexual and love life improved, but also my friendships, my professional, intellectual, and spiritual life. My interactions with my family became unbelievably better. I can say that I am no longer afraid to share my feelings and create deep connections with other people. In the following chapters, I'll tell you how I became more vulnerable, more human..., more myself.
By the way, I've never told this story to Miss A. We talk to each other sometimes to know how we're doing. I want to say to her that her presence in my life changes everything inside me, tells her my side of the story, and thank her because our friendship is a huge part of my internal revolution. Maybe I invite her to eat some Temaki again, this time without expectations.